The long and the short of it is that I came back to teach at BJU after four years away. Parts of the story felt miraculous. I was quite sure God was at work, opening doors. I signed on to become a graduate assistant and then the position at the BJA opened up. Come August, 2002, I found myself living in Greenville, SC, with a faculty sticker on my car. How ironic! I couldn't be a graduate assistant, but a faculty member was just fine.
During the two years I taught in Hawaii, I had gradually turned into a diehard Christian fundamentalist. I listened to only classical, BJU productions, and The Wilds. I played the piano for my church, all hymns. My dress standards kept getting more and more restrictive. I diligently observed my morning Bible reading and prayer time. I could check all the boxes. I was a good Christian. And because my pastor vouched for my change of heart, BJU was willing to bring me on staff.
I spent the first three years at BJU living my life more restricted than the rules required. I remember commenting to a friend at one point, that the rules didn't bother me. They were set "looser" than I cared to live anyway.
I look back on those days, wondering at how I conducted my life. One of the driving forces behind my choices was my desire to escape the label of "rebel." Anytime I questioned the rules, that label had been slapped on me. Eventually, anytime I spoke up, the label was slapped on me again. I had been labeled so many times that I believed it. I felt worthless. No one I knew was accepting me. In Hawaii, I found myself slowly releasing any questioning or desire to speak up. Everyone was pleased. And BJU hired me.
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