Melting

I'm reading Thomas Moore's book, Care of the Soul, as I continue to walk through my spiritual journey. Last night these words caught my attention: "The sacred teaching story, which has the potential of deepening the mystery of our own identity, instead is used defensively in fundamentalism, to spare us the anxiety of being an individual with choice, responsibility, and a continually changing sense of self. The tragedy of fundamentalism in any context is its capacity to freeze life into a solid cube of meaning." (p. 236)
A solid cube of meaning. Been there. Still have frostbite. May have even lost a few bits of my heart to gangrene. Little by little over the last several years, the ice cube has begun to melt. I've been through the drippy stage leaving puddles of moralism in my footprints. More recently, I've felt the raw excruciating pain of flesh coming back to life. There's still more pain to come. But there's hope. Hope of renewal. Hope for mystery. Hope in identity.

Generosity

Receiving. That's hard for me. To accept a gift with grace and even celebrate its arrival is part of the circle of generosity.
Tonight, I visited a church called Radius. Part of me went with fear and trembling. Old emotions surfacing when confronted with church. But even as my heart was beating, I felt myself drawn into the worship. Something that hasn't happened for me in years. People stood, sat, danced and sang as they celebrated what God had done and is doing in their lives. Candles stood on every window ledge. The rafters were exposed, walls were old brick in various stages of exposure. These people are scarily serious about living out Christianity. God doesn't just fit in around the edges of their lives, he rewrites their stories. And that freaks me out! And at the same time piques my curiosity.
Back to the idea of generosity....the guy who spoke tonight passionately illustrated (through a long crazy illustration) how the trinity gives to each other. The Father giving to Jesus. Jesus giving back to the Father. The Father giving to the Spirit. The Spirit giving back to the Father. Jesus giving to the Spirit and the Spirit giving back to Jesus. And on and on. Generosity, but at its core, it's relationship. It dawned on me that Jesus has been holding out his gift of love and life and over the past three years I've refused the gift. Our relationship broke when I folded my arms. Now, I am empty. I have nothing to give and no one to give to. Jesus holds out his gift of relationship, it's up to me to open my folded arms and receive it. He wants to draw me into the circle of trinity, the circle of relationship. I spread my arms wide to receive his generosity, to be drawn into the circle, to learn the beauty of the trinity.