holiday cheer

Glitter.
Snowflakes.
Tinsel.
Big lights.
Paper chains.
Sugar cookies.

rabbit trails

I get frustrated with myself for following rabbit trails and wasting time. I am wired to be easily distracted by new things to look at or a different vein of creativity. So this afternoon, when I could have gone straight to the gym, I spent two hours looking at houses online. Do I plan to buy a house anytime soon? Nope. Am I getting kicked out of my house? Nope. But houses and floorplans make me happy. In the long run, I don't need to fuss at myself. I still made it to the gym and now I cooking double spaghetti so I have some for lunch tomorrow. All is well.

Melancholy

Where does it come from? Sometimes I like to cozy up to it, curl my fingers into it's shaggy fur and listen to the patter of raindrops. Other times, I'd rather shove it aside without an answer. How to make peace with it. How to live with its questions. How to celebrate its beauty. How to laugh in the middle of a rainstorm.

Empty your pockets

I picked up Yancey's book Church: Why bother? His story closely resembles my own. He began in fundamentalist christianity, but as an adult struggled with God. I would be happy to throw in the towel on the church, but I haven't been able to. There is still a draw for me. Not because I believe it makes me a better person. Not because someone told me I needed to be there. Somewhere in the midst of the mess of redeemed humanity, there is grace.

Those little pockets of grace.

And Next, Please.

He's holding out his hand.
Steady. Strong.
I'm shivering on the shore.
Questioning.

And today I stepped out. There is more life to be lived. I am done glancing back.

"Last night, as I was sleeping,
I dreamt-marvellous error!-
that I had a beehive
here inside my heart.
And the golden bees
were making white combs
and sweet honey
from my old failures."
Antonio Machado

The end.

How do you say good-bye?
I offer blessings for a sweet life.
Truly, I wish you the best.
But you and I cannot continue.

I've said good-bye.
And you?

One Inch Frame

I've been cutting out one inch squares from magazines. My goal is to paint the same image as a much larger square. It's challenging to find a good composition that's part of a larger picture. To help me, I've cut a frame with a one inch opening. I can slide it over a photo until the design is just right, trace it off with a pencil and cut it out.
If I look at my life through a one inch frame, I don't get quite so overwhelmed by the intensity and complexity of it all. For example, today was a frustrating day at work. I was assigned to go on a field trip, but given no particular job. No one seemed to know what was going on or who needed to be where and when. But, when I slide the one inch frame over the day, I see the few moments I got to sit with the Kindergartners while they showed me their fossils and shark's teeth. They carefully extracted their treasure from their pocket for me to admire. If I slide the frame to the left a little, I see the butterfly garden with fuchsia berries, bean trees, and ceramic sculptures. The sun was dancing through the soft breeze while I talked with a couple of master gardeners.
Maybe I need to practice cutting out one inch squares from my day to day life.

Returning to the story

I've missed this blog. Tried to create a new one, but it lacked the presence and history of this one. The layout annoyed me and for the life of me, I couldn't seem to get the login correct! So, here I am.

Been thinking the last couple of days about adventure. Donald Miller's new book A Million Miles in a Thousand Years is meshing well with this place I am in life. I wonder what my life is about? At the end of the day, what drives me? What fills me? Who have I affected? What is my story? I am the leading character within this drama, although most days the drama contains a basket full of yawns. What choices can I make to change that? Or, on the flip side of that question, what makes the nothingness of day to day living contain meaning and purpose? A pile of question and not a lot of answers. Sometimes, I think the answers are more stumbled upon than decided. But I am also the protagonist in this story. I need to make things happen and to believe that other things are worth making happen. At the end of "Once upon a time" I want to find meaning and purpose.