Sunday, February 28, 2010

Stresses

Some days are just rough. Friday was like that for me. It was a back to back day with teaching. Teachers came early to drop their students off and picked them up late. After school, I had to quickly change on get on the road for a workshop in Asheville at 6:00. By 3:30, I was happily driving - when all the forces of nature began conspiring against me or so it seemed.
1. Starbucks' drive-thru took 15 minutes to deliver a tall coffee with cream.
2. Did you know that in downtown Asheville you can drive east and west at the same time? It's true! I was driving 26w and 240e when I read my directions wrong and spent 40 minutes untangling my way.
3. By then, I had to find a bathroom and something for dinner. Did you know that Asheville is so much of a granola city, that fast food is virtually non-existent?
4. All traffic lights in Asheville are triggered to turn red as you reach the intersection. And then after 4 minutes, they turn green.
Oh, stress! I hate being late! And then to have been told by the workshop leaders to be sure to be on time made it even worse! My dear friend, KC, helped me find an Earthfare and stayed on the phone with me till I could compose myself and decide that this workshop would not be for me.

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Scars

I was ripped.
Torn and gouged.
They were trying to remove the essence of my being.
Not out of malice.
Out of fear.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

faith

"most of us come to the church by a means the church does not allow." Flannery O'Conner

I must say that I have tried to come to the church by the only means they do allow. I have been saved and baptized. I have repented, prayed, done a multitude of good deeds, read my Bible, given my tithe, worked in church settings, gone to the mission field. And at the end of the day, the church still threw me out. I guess in reality, I did my own purging of the church in my own life as well.

And now, I find myself turning around. Pursuing faith - not the church. Finding the spiritual in the ordinary.

Friday, February 12, 2010

fears

Fears I have as I begin to flesh out my belief and understanding of God.

1. That I will turn a corner in this discovery and find that God was waiting for me to figure out that I really was supposed to be checking all those boxes and keeping all the rules. He expects me to repent and do penance to appease his anger.

2. Coming from a place of God as a black and white deity, I am afraid to step out and begin to let my own image and definition of God surface.

3. There is the fear of where this journey will take me.