I hit bumps in life from time to time when I feel unsettled. As though there's more life I should be living. I question where I am and what I'm doing. Is it enough? Is it right? There's a competitiveness that causes me to compare and assume that because someone else has reached a new chapter in their life, I should too. And then I begin to doubt myself and how I am caring for me. Should I do more? What can I change? Gradually, Envy slips through my defenses and takes up residence. She's brought a tenseness to my jaw that reverberates down through my neck and shoulders. I believe her whispers that someone else has better, someone else has more, someone else is living life more fully than I am. She tells me I'm not as much of a person as so-and-so. My mind begins to scramble to figure out how to catch up.
How did I get on this hamster wheel again? Have I been on it so long that I no longer hear the squeak? Can I step off and get my bearings again? Banish the green-eyed maiden, hold counsel with Contentment and laugh with gratitude.
3 comments:
Andrew and I were just talking about this last night. About those lies I was believing that I wasn't good enough, pretty enough, young enough, healthy enough, getting enough done, etc. We had a great talk. About how I am "fearfully and wonderfully made" and God loves me just the way I am, after all, He made me just this way. I don't have to compare myself to anyone else or live up to what some other person thinks I should be... I just have to be me. I'm working on being comfortable with who I am... lol :)
Interesting how it seems like all women hear those voices. :-) Glad to have company!
Envy and i have had several conversations and i have tried real hard to turn my back on her and leave her in the pit. some days are more successful than others in doing just that. i think this is a constant battle that comes at us from time to time. but deep down we just need to dig deep and know who we are - that we are uniquely made like no one else. and it is good... no, it is great and you are beautifully you girl. xxoo
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