Don't Worry So Much About Not Supposed To

 

To my fellow KMCC trainees as we embark upon life's voyage. Laugh and live. Be the one who lives like a lion with the sweetness of a lamb.

Changes

Something about these words from Rumi resonate with my spirit.


I didn’t know love would make me this
crazy, with my eyes
like the river Ceyhun
carrying me in its rapids
out to sea,
where every bit
of shattered boat
sinks to the bottom.

An alligator lifts its head and swallows
the ocean, then the ocean
floor becomes
a desert covering
the alligator in
sand drifts.
Changes do
happen.  I do not know how,
or what remains of what
has disappeared
into the absolute.
I hear so many stories
and explanations, but I keep quiet,
because I don’t know anything,
and because something i swallowed
in the ocean
has made me completely content
with ignorance.
(Rumi)

Melting

I'm reading Thomas Moore's book, Care of the Soul, as I continue to walk through my spiritual journey. Last night these words caught my attention: "The sacred teaching story, which has the potential of deepening the mystery of our own identity, instead is used defensively in fundamentalism, to spare us the anxiety of being an individual with choice, responsibility, and a continually changing sense of self. The tragedy of fundamentalism in any context is its capacity to freeze life into a solid cube of meaning." (p. 236)
A solid cube of meaning. Been there. Still have frostbite. May have even lost a few bits of my heart to gangrene. Little by little over the last several years, the ice cube has begun to melt. I've been through the drippy stage leaving puddles of moralism in my footprints. More recently, I've felt the raw excruciating pain of flesh coming back to life. There's still more pain to come. But there's hope. Hope of renewal. Hope for mystery. Hope in identity.

Generosity

Receiving. That's hard for me. To accept a gift with grace and even celebrate its arrival is part of the circle of generosity.
Tonight, I visited a church called Radius. Part of me went with fear and trembling. Old emotions surfacing when confronted with church. But even as my heart was beating, I felt myself drawn into the worship. Something that hasn't happened for me in years. People stood, sat, danced and sang as they celebrated what God had done and is doing in their lives. Candles stood on every window ledge. The rafters were exposed, walls were old brick in various stages of exposure. These people are scarily serious about living out Christianity. God doesn't just fit in around the edges of their lives, he rewrites their stories. And that freaks me out! And at the same time piques my curiosity.
Back to the idea of generosity....the guy who spoke tonight passionately illustrated (through a long crazy illustration) how the trinity gives to each other. The Father giving to Jesus. Jesus giving back to the Father. The Father giving to the Spirit. The Spirit giving back to the Father. Jesus giving to the Spirit and the Spirit giving back to Jesus. And on and on. Generosity, but at its core, it's relationship. It dawned on me that Jesus has been holding out his gift of love and life and over the past three years I've refused the gift. Our relationship broke when I folded my arms. Now, I am empty. I have nothing to give and no one to give to. Jesus holds out his gift of relationship, it's up to me to open my folded arms and receive it. He wants to draw me into the circle of trinity, the circle of relationship. I spread my arms wide to receive his generosity, to be drawn into the circle, to learn the beauty of the trinity.

Free Painting

I love to paint with my hands. Fingers. Fist. Knuckles. Palms. Nails. Thumbs. Fingertips. Big sweeping motions. Small delicate strokes. Pitter-Pattery dancing dots. Strong intense pounding. Scratching through to the undercoat. Rhythmic knocking.
Put on the music, let the world spin on its axis. No one can touch me in that place. That place where my heart touches the paper through my skin.

Put on your pretty skirt

This skirt from Anthropologie was my inspiration for today's upcycled skirt. I love the rolled hem combined with a classic pencil skirt.

My version of Anthropologie's skirt. I used an old pair of pants, cut them down to size. I sewed about a 2.5 inch hem and played with the fabric, separating it, rolling it and pinning it in place. I stitched the creases, folds and rolls in place. A new skirt, ready to wear!

Random facts

My fingernails are 10 different colors.
I prefer salad to be cooked.
My house is covered with clothes from Goodwill that I am redesigning.
I like my chocolate dark.
I forgot to put stamps on my outgoing mail today, so the postman kindly left them in the box.
I am addicted to good coffee!

Tell me a random fact about yourself.